Skip to content
Product cover

Is It Really Lonely at the Top?

December 18, 2012 | Laurence J. Stybel and Maryanne Peabody | Leadership
Life revolves around three social spaces: personal private space, public or work space — and what this article defines as "courtyard" space. Each of these spaces can be associated with a certain type of relationship: friends, allies and, in the courtyard, "chums." Personal space is occupied by friends, relationships where acceptance is close to unconditional. The public space, by contrast, is the social sphere of highly conditional relationships. These relationships come and go, lasting only as long as they help both parties achieve valued goals. Colleagues, clients, prospects, acquaintances, customers, teammates, bosses, peers, classmates and subordinates are all members of conditional relationships, and they all occupy the public social space. In the business world, colleagues, peers and other contacts work together as what we call allies when it is in their mutual self-interest to do so. They can easily oppose one another in one area of work while agreeing in another. One might feel anger and hostility toward a business ally because he or she works against one's self-interest, but one should not feel a sense of betrayal. Only friends can betray. But there's a third kind of business relationship that's often overlooked: the relationships in between friends and allies — in other words, business relationships with people you enjoy being with. This article calls these people chums, and asserts that their importance too often goes unnoticed. Chums occupy a space that is not quite the same as the one inhabited by either friends or business allies. The social courtyard is the space for turning allies into chums. Dale Carnegie's best-selling book How To Win Friends & Influence People is not, in fact, about making friends in the sense of forming unconditional relationships. It is instead a practical classic on the art of cultivating chums — of inviting business allies into your courtyard while keeping them out of your kitchen.
Purchase Options

Educator and Student Discounts Available. Learn more »

  BENCHMARKS  
Loading Time: Base Classes  0.0006
My Controller Construct  0.0003
Build Nav  0.0007
Controller Execution Time ( Products / Route )  0.0569
Total Execution Time  0.0575
  GET DATA  
No GET data exists
  MEMORY USAGE  
1.5701 MB
  POST DATA  
No POST data exists
  URI STRING  
store/is-it-really-lonely-at-the-top
  CLASS/METHOD  
products/route
  DATABASE:  MITSLOAN_DEV   QUERIES: 68  (Hide)
0.0003  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0028  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0004  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`carts`)
WHERE `cart_id` =  'f26948151a9df214827a5b5d01260282'
ORDER BY `created_at` DESC 
0.0001  

SELECT SQL_CALC_FOUND_ROWS cat_id
FROM (`product_categories`)
WHERE `status_id` =  'A'
AND `url_friendly` =  'is-it-really-lonely-at-the-top'
AND `parent_id` =  1 
0.0018  

SELECT c.parent_id, c.format_id
                    FROM products AS p, products AS c
                    WHERE p.prod_id = c.parent_id AND
                        c.avail_id IN ('A','B','D') AND
                        c.type_id = 'V' AND
                        (
                            c.sku = 'is-it-really-lonely-at-the-top' OR
                            if(c.format_id = 'Certificate', '', p.url_friendly) = 'is-it-really-lonely-at-the-top'
                        )
                    LIMIT 1 
0.0001  

SELECT `parent_id`
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `prod_id` =  461 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `products`.`prod_id` =  '461' 
0.0003  

SELECT *
FROM (`authors`)
JOIN `products__authors` ON `authors`.`author_id` = `products__authors`.`author_id`
WHERE `products__authors`.`prod_id` =  '461'
ORDER BY `sort` ASC 
0.0002  

SELECT `cat_id`
FROM (`product_categories__products`)
WHERE `prod_id` =  '461' 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`product_flags__products`)
WHERE `prod_id` =  '461' 
0.0002  

SELECT `sku`
FROM (`products__xsell`)
WHERE `prod_id` =  '461'
ORDER BY IF(position = 0, 1, 0) ASC , `position` 
0.0315  

SELECT `products`.`parent_id`
FROM (`transaction_lines`)
JOIN `products` ON `products`.`sku` = `transaction_lines`.`sku`
JOIN `product_categories__products` ON `products`.`parent_id` = `product_categories__products`.`prod_id`
WHERE `products`.`avail_id` =  'A'
AND TO_DAYS(transaction_lines.updated_at) < (TO_DAYS(NOW()) - 90)
AND `product_categories__products`.`cat_id` IN ('246') 
GROUP BY `products`.`parent_id`
ORDER BY COUNT(*) DESC
LIMIT 6 
0.0003  

SELECT `parent_id`
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `prod_id` =  '4013' 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `products`.`prod_id` =  '4013' 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`authors`)
JOIN `products__authors` ON `authors`.`author_id` = `products__authors`.`author_id`
WHERE `products__authors`.`prod_id` =  '4013'
ORDER BY `sort` ASC 
0.0002  

SELECT `parent_id`
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `prod_id` =  '97' 
0.0005  

SELECT *
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `products`.`prod_id` =  '97' 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`authors`)
JOIN `products__authors` ON `authors`.`author_id` = `products__authors`.`author_id`
WHERE `products__authors`.`prod_id` =  '97'
ORDER BY `sort` ASC 
0.0001  

SELECT `parent_id`
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `prod_id` =  '3421' 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `products`.`prod_id` =  '3421' 
0.0003  

SELECT *
FROM (`authors`)
JOIN `products__authors` ON `authors`.`author_id` = `products__authors`.`author_id`
WHERE `products__authors`.`prod_id` =  '3421'
ORDER BY `sort` ASC 
0.0002  

SELECT `parent_id`
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `prod_id` =  '901' 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `products`.`prod_id` =  '901' 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`authors`)
JOIN `products__authors` ON `authors`.`author_id` = `products__authors`.`author_id`
WHERE `products__authors`.`prod_id` =  '901'
ORDER BY `sort` ASC 
0.0001  

SELECT `parent_id`
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `prod_id` =  '1015' 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `products`.`prod_id` =  '1015' 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`authors`)
JOIN `products__authors` ON `authors`.`author_id` = `products__authors`.`author_id`
WHERE `products__authors`.`prod_id` =  '1015'
ORDER BY `sort` ASC 
0.0001  

SELECT `parent_id`
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `prod_id` =  '4189' 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `products`.`prod_id` =  '4189' 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`authors`)
JOIN `products__authors` ON `authors`.`author_id` = `products__authors`.`author_id`
WHERE `products__authors`.`prod_id` =  '4189'
ORDER BY `sort` ASC 
0.0004  

SELECT SQL_CALC_FOUND_ROWS media_id, position
FROM (`media`)
WHERE `foreign_key_table` =  'products'
AND `foreign_key_column` =  'prod_id'
AND `foreign_key_value` =  '461'
AND `kind` =  'image_600x600'
ORDER BY IF(position = 0, 1, 0) ASC , `position` 
0.0001  

SELECT *
FROM (`media`)
WHERE `media`.`media_id` =  '231' 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`mime_types`)
WHERE `mime_types`.`extension` =  'jpg' 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`media_metadata`)
WHERE `media_id` =  '231' 
0.0003  

SELECT SQL_CALC_FOUND_ROWS media_id, position
FROM (`media`)
WHERE `foreign_key_table` =  'products'
AND `foreign_key_column` =  'prod_id'
AND `foreign_key_value` =  '461'
AND `kind` =  'gallery_image'
ORDER BY IF(position = 0, 1, 0) ASC , `position` 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`products`)
WHERE `avail_id` IN ('A', 'B', 'C', 'H') 
AND `parent_id` =  '461'
AND `type_id` =  'V'
ORDER BY IF(position = 0, 1, 0) ASC , `position`, `title` 
0.0001  

SELECT `c`.`format_id`, `c`.`price`, `c`.`sale_price`
FROM (`products` AS c)
WHERE `c`.`prod_id` =  '462'
LIMIT 1 
0.0002  

SELECT SQL_CALC_FOUND_ROWS media_id, position
FROM (`media`)
WHERE `foreign_key_table` =  'products'
AND `foreign_key_column` =  'prod_id'
AND `foreign_key_value` =  '462'
AND `kind` =  'thumbnail'
ORDER BY IF(position = 0, 1, 0) ASC , `position` 
0.0003  

SELECT `product_categories__products`.`cat_id`
FROM (`product_categories__products`)
JOIN `product_categories` ON `product_categories__products`.`cat_id` = `product_categories`.`cat_id`
WHERE `product_categories__products`.`prod_id` =  '461'
AND `product_categories`.`parent_id` =  1
AND `product_categories__products`.`cat_id` NOT IN (1, 261)  
0.0004  

SELECT `cat_id` AS id, `parent_id` AS parent, `status_id`, `name`, `description`, `url_friendly`, `page_title`, `meta_keywords`, `meta_description`, `position`, `updated_at`
FROM (`product_categories`)
WHERE `cat_id` != 1
ORDER BY `parent_id`, IF(position = 0, 1, 0) ASC , `position`, `name` 
0.0003  

SELECT *
FROM (`product_categories`)
WHERE `status_id` =  'A'
AND `parent_id` =  1
AND `cat_id` NOT IN (1, 261) 
ORDER BY `name` 
0.0002  

SELECT *
FROM (`site_settings`)
WHERE `option_key` =  'announcement' 
  HTTP HEADERS  (Show)
  SESSION DATA  (Show)
  CONFIG VARIABLES  (Show)